6 Years

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After 6 Years everything that was once familiar is now unrecognisable. The Face I see in the mirror.... is a Stranger.

All that time while I was planning & deciding for my return I didn't realise how hard it would be to reconnect with Brother, Sister in law, Dad, Mom, Friends and every one that I used to care about... I didn't know how painful it would be to express myself to my closest people.

I promised myself that I'd right my wrongs. I’ll and I swear... But to do that I am not that same person that everyone wants me to be and which is why it would become more difficult…

Which means thst sometimes to honour their wishes I need to dishonour my memory and myself... I know I care too much and I guess this is the same thing which right now is the most genuine reason to make me feel lonely every day, every time... How ironic is that

I remember, I used to talk with people, made them feel safe, secure and happy... I even used to know what they are thinking but now even while being together with them, It feels like they are somewhere else... I can't let them feel the same... I just can't connect with them the way i used to be...

Don't know how I should reconnect… Every Time I try it's just pushing me one step away... and everyday I just live in a fear of losing them again and again... and I am definitely not ready this time...

I don't know who I am anymore, I don't know what happened to me but I really wanna get out of this... It seems like right now there's nothing but chaos in there, a void which can't be full fill i guess...

But I still have a hope that one day everything will get back on the right path and it doesn't matter whatever happens I just have to hang on to that hope… All I wish is just that day come sooner so at least I get 1 chance to enjoy that moment

I shouldn't let go of what I have right now because I am so worried about tomorrow...

So Cheers for completing first quarter of life 🍻 
N Cheers for the upcoming n most probably the last quarter 🥂

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